A conflict that I recently experienced was with a colleague
at my job. At work, I try to remain very professional. When I enter the
building in the morning, I say “good morning” to everyone with a smile on my
face and when I depart in the evening, I say “see you later” with a smile on my
face. I also do this to the people who
never speak back because that is the type of person I am. I work with several
women who gossip a lot about others and who are always complaining about
something.
The woman that I had a conflict with, a couple of
weeks ago, have always had smart remarks to say to me and I would just brush
these remarks off because I try to do all I can to avoid conflict. I try to
avoid conflict with others because I know how I can get when I get really
upset, so to keep from losing my job, I just brush off the things she would say
to me. Well, one day at work, we were on the center playground with our
children and she decided to take the water cooler off of the bench and give it
to the teachers on the other playground. She saw that I was sitting on the
bench giving the children (including her children that’s in her classroom) water,
but she takes it anyway. She did not say a word to me, she just took it and
walked over to the fence and gave it to the other teachers. I was so upset. I
was so upset and angry to the point that I started shaking in anger. I knew
that I had to calm myself down before I said something to her because if I didn’t,
the children were going to see me act really ugly. After I had calmed down, a
little, I let her know how I felt about what she had done and it was very
disrespectful and to never do it again. She did all she could to justify what
she had done, but I was not trying to hear what she had to say because she knew
she was wrong.
Some strategies I have learned to help me manage or
resolve conflict more productively are to control my behavior and emotions and
to always remain calm. “When you’re in control of your emotions, you can
communicate your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing others. By staying calm, you can accurately read and
interpret verbal and nonverbal communication” (Helpguide.org, 2014).
“The most important information exchanged during
conflicts and arguments is often communicated non-verbally. When you’re in the
middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other person’s nonverbal
signals may help you figure out what the other person is really saying. This
will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of
the problem. A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested or
concerned facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange”
(Helpguide.org, 2014). These strategies will help me manage and resolve
conflict in healthy ways.
To my colleagues, can you give me your input and
advice regarding how you have learned to be more effective communicators as it
relates to conflict resolution skills?
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